The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
