Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
