Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
