I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize