sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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