they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
