were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
