I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
