Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
