thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pants 0. Shit 1.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
