theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
