Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
