The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
