is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
