I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize