My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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