You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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