Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
