he thought i was a dude.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize