Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
