I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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