Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
