Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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