Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
