my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
