you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
