She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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