Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
