I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We got so high we made milksteak
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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