Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
