I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
