Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
