I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
