sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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