He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
