so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
