Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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