Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
