walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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