You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
