my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
