He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
