i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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