Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
