Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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