so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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