I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Life is so much better after having sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
