based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
