SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
