I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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