I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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