Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
