Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
