i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize