I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
