i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
