I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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