The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
