he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
there is puke in my bra ... again
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