Tell her she can't have a vagina
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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