I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
