i just wanna soil my oats bro
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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