We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
