i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
