You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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