This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
