the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
