how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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