No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize