I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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