you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
