Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
