I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
