I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
