My hand turned me down
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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