i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How does one acquire holy water?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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