You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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