i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
