He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
