a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
