walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize