John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
