Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
