Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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