Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
