Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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