I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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