i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
