look no pants
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
