I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
