You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
