Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
