So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
not ubering you a puppy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
