so explain again why im purple
no
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
