Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
