the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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