The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
