So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
